When knowing enough to be dangerous is grounds for justifiable homicide

My husband is not a carpenter. He is not a contractor. But he knows juuuust enough that he thinks he is. Did I mention that he's also ADD? So he gets all geared up and excited about a renovation project, dives in head first and then OH MY GOD LOOK AT THAT WALL OVER THERE THAT NEEDS TO BE REMOVED! He gets distracted, the tools fall from his hands and, with his eyes glazed over at the excitement of a NEW project... you get the picture.

Our most recent home improvement project is a total gut of our basement bathroom. Which, as they all do, starts off with a set of plans. Generally MY plans. But since his motto is also 'go big or go home', those plans are usually tanked early on as Himself decides that 'while we're in here...' we might as well DO ALL OF THIS TOO! Kill me now.

It took all of a day before I heard, "Let's make the bathroom bigger! Since we're in here..." And then, "Let's knock out this whole back wall to the laundry area so we gain room back there! I can just move the laundry over there... Since we're in here..."

And that's what he did... the washer/dryer got moved. And he took out the entire back wall of the bathroom, now exposing our Water Treatment Centre (what I call the area where the pressure pump, water softener, water heater etc lives) and washer/dryer. He plans to replace the wall once the new shower is in place. *if I was a praying woman.... this would be where I'd start*

He then decided it would be a fabulous idea to install those heat coil things under the new tile floor. Because evidently, our teenagers require a warm floor under their delicate little feet while peeing. The ball and chain has to sit with her cloven hooves resting on a freezing cold bathroom floor upstairs, but hey - as long as his strapping teenage sons have warm feet, life is good.

This bathroom is in the basement. On a cement slab floor. Which means that in order to install this heated flooring system, we needed to dig up the cement where the coils will go. Or something. All I know is the next thing I knew a concrete cutter saw arrived in my house. Himself warned me that it required 'a bit of water' over the blade to keep the dust down. I envisioned a little trickle of water where we needed to cut. No biggie. Let me just grab a Kleenex to wipe that up when you're done.

The next thing I know, he's hooking a bloody GARDEN HOSE up to the saw. Umm? And says, "You're in charge of the shopvac so just start sucking the water up as I cut!" as he revs the saw. WTF???? I grab the shopvac just as the water begins POURING from the hose while the saw is now grinding at full speed, cutting into the concrete and sending a concrete slurry flying ALL OVER MY DAMN BASEMENT! *reminder about the NON EXISTENT BACK WALL* Within seconds, the back spray from the saw had colored my washer/dryer GRAY. Our blue pressure pump? NOT SO BLUE ANYMORE. I'm yelling at him, 'Don't you think we should... you know.. COVER EVERYTHING FIRST, YOU IDIOT?!!!!!" as I'm now up to my ankles in a swirling gray pool of water, working that shopvac like a $2 whore. Oblivious to the complete chaos and destruction around him, like a little kid with a new toy, he was almost giggling with glee. *Vrooom! VROOOOOOM!*

When all was said and done, I kid you not, he emptied that vacuum canister (it's the big, industrial one) no less than 6 times. My basement looked like the morning after Mt. St. Helen's erupted. And the 3'x9' hole he dug out of the concrete floor and exposed the dirt? Overnight it became a 3'x9' open air LITTER BOX for my 2 cats. And with the back wall of the bathroom... gone... it's a free for all in the 'let's shit in the floor!' department. Ooooh someone please just hand me a gallon of arsenic and straw....

After a couple of days of smelling cat turds in my basement (SERIOUSLY??!)... I got the boys to drag in some big boards to cover the hole and thus, end the crapalooza.

And in the meantime? Himself has been distracted by some other sparkly project elsewhere. Leaving me with ironically... a hole the size of a GRAVE in my old bathroom floor....

Just sayin'...