Greetings from Clampett Mountain! Our water supply kacked on Friday, leaving us waterless. Or, as my kids are calling it - Amish. We're on a well, with a pump that sends the well water up the hill to a large holding tank, which then gravity feeds to our house. In the basement is another pump to provide adequate water pressure to all the taps/showers in the house. After it's been routed thru a 'bladder tank' of some sort (hey, it's all Greek to me) and then a softener and filtration system to rid the water of all the iron and other crap that the well water contains. It's more complicated to get water to our upstairs ensuite bathroom toilet than it is to get the space shuttle launched.
The boys seem to be enjoying this Amish life, getting a huge kick out of getting to pee in the bush. I tried it once, ended up with a stick up my pooper (I kid you not, I'm still tender...), and immediately announced that the GIRL IN THE HOUSE will not be partaking of the bush action. The Amish are nuts. I've since discovered that a rather excellent way of dealing with this is to pee into a ziploc baggie much like one would when giving a urine specimen, then pouring the contents into the bush and disposing of the baggie. Thus saving my tender butt AND the extra creek water to pour/flush the toilet. The Amish must buy a lot of baggies. Oversharing? It's how I roll.
Last night, just so we could experience full immersion into the Amish way of life, our power went out for 2 hours. Suddenly, when ripped from the company of the 'friends' that live in their computers, the boys lost their appreciation for All Things Amish. And were all up in my face about "WHY?? WHY ARE WE BEING PUNISHED?? DID WE KILL TINY KITTENS IN A PREVIOUS LIFE?? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY???!!!!"
Watching them stumble around without all the conveniences of their usual daily lives was fascinating. It was like watching a baby elephant learn to walk. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AXe0064jY7M&feature=fvst But unlike the mother elephant, who so sweetly and protectively helps guide her little guy into his new world, I much prefer the 'sit back and laugh my ass off' principle of parenting. It was better than any Reality TV that's on right now!
Monday, July 27, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Understanding the intricacies of the male teenage brain.
Equal to, yet not limited to, the size of the lobe in the female brain that controls the desire to SHOP, lays the lobe in the male teenage brain that controls GAMING. Specifically computer gaming.
The main difference however, is that well hidden in the female brain is a tiny, yet powerful area that allows the female to retain enough common sense and intelligence during frenzied activity in the Shopping Lobe, to multitask. We can be trying on 7 different pairs of shoes at one time with one eye, while simultaneously checking out both the bag AND jewelry areas of the store with the other eye. As if that's not impressive enough, while all this is going on, we're also figuring out how much this is all going to cost, where we'll hide everything, and how we can divvy up the final bill and spread it over several credit cards and/or accounts. It's an art. Hold your applause.
Fortunately for Mom's, teenage boys don't possess any of these skills (yet... oh who am I kidding?! Few grown men possess these either!) and trying to slip one by us just isn't going to happen. Their Gaming Lobe is so huge that the only other functioning areas left in their brains are the Eat Lobe, the Sleep Lobe, and the Sex Lobe. Not necessarily in that order. There's no room for common sense. And even less room for covering their tracks. They'd make lousy wild animals.
Which explains why, when I tell him that his computer needs to be off at midnight (and I check to make sure it is), and he's told VERY CLEARLY that the computer is to REMAIN OFF all night... I'm going to know if he snuck it back on the very second I went to bed.
Note to teenage son - if you get back up and go back on your computer, remember that I am female, hear me roar! And when I go into your room in the morning and find the speaker light ON (after I turned it off last night), and your microphone moved from the SPECIFIC POSITION I PLACED IT SO I'D KNOW IF YOU WERE BACK ON IT... you're totally busted. And don't bother trying that again because the modem has just become my new roomie at night.
The moral of this story is DON'T MESS WITH A WOMAN.
Learn it. Remember it. And never, EVER forget it. Or you'll never survive when you hit the real world.
The main difference however, is that well hidden in the female brain is a tiny, yet powerful area that allows the female to retain enough common sense and intelligence during frenzied activity in the Shopping Lobe, to multitask. We can be trying on 7 different pairs of shoes at one time with one eye, while simultaneously checking out both the bag AND jewelry areas of the store with the other eye. As if that's not impressive enough, while all this is going on, we're also figuring out how much this is all going to cost, where we'll hide everything, and how we can divvy up the final bill and spread it over several credit cards and/or accounts. It's an art. Hold your applause.
Fortunately for Mom's, teenage boys don't possess any of these skills (yet... oh who am I kidding?! Few grown men possess these either!) and trying to slip one by us just isn't going to happen. Their Gaming Lobe is so huge that the only other functioning areas left in their brains are the Eat Lobe, the Sleep Lobe, and the Sex Lobe. Not necessarily in that order. There's no room for common sense. And even less room for covering their tracks. They'd make lousy wild animals.
Which explains why, when I tell him that his computer needs to be off at midnight (and I check to make sure it is), and he's told VERY CLEARLY that the computer is to REMAIN OFF all night... I'm going to know if he snuck it back on the very second I went to bed.
Note to teenage son - if you get back up and go back on your computer, remember that I am female, hear me roar! And when I go into your room in the morning and find the speaker light ON (after I turned it off last night), and your microphone moved from the SPECIFIC POSITION I PLACED IT SO I'D KNOW IF YOU WERE BACK ON IT... you're totally busted. And don't bother trying that again because the modem has just become my new roomie at night.
The moral of this story is DON'T MESS WITH A WOMAN.
Learn it. Remember it. And never, EVER forget it. Or you'll never survive when you hit the real world.
Friday, July 17, 2009
I'm in such good hands.
We have 2 female cats. It was the only way I could get some estrogen balance in this house. One is very small but with a huge attitude. The other is bigger, arrived here as a stray and was probably abused before she found us because she's afraid of her own shadow and anyone other than our family.
The little one is a hunter extraordinaire. She'd take a deer down if given the chance. We should have named her Geraldine, after Flip Wilson's character of many years ago... anyone remember her? My kids think I'm just making her up. LOVED Geraldine! Gracie is SO Geraldine. If she could talk, she'd be throwing 'What you see, is what you get Honey!' all over the place. Serious. Attitude.
Attitude that means anything she catches, she feels a very strong need to bring inside, drop at our feet and then (I swear to god), she'll give a toss of her little head and strut off with her fluffy tail straight up in the air. As if to say 'THERE. Consider my room and board - PAID IN FULL. Beyotch'.
Apparently she doesn't have a calendar, because last night she brought in a big, fat, juicy mouse. Which, until she dropped it downstairs and IT RAN AWAY, I didn't realize was still alive. IT RAN AWAY. IN MY HOUSE. I called my two, over 6' tall teenage boys to come help me get this damn mouse. C - the 14 yr old and youngest - yawned and went back to his computer game. I guess he'd rather slay virtual monsters. Thanks honey - you're the best. M - the 16 yr old, decided he was going to be my hero and 'deal with' the mouse. YAY! He loves me and will protect me. I'm doing something right! The mouse ended up cornered so while M grabbed a fireplace tool (umm??) to slay the dragon, I chased the mouse out of where he was hiding.
Well it all happened so fast. The mouse came scurrying out of the corner, M began alternately smashing at it with the fireplace tool and jumping up and down, squealing like a little girl. I started laughing and couldn't stop. The mouse, with the fireplace tool hitting the floor repeatedly inches behind it while the 6'1" man/child continued to leap into the air and squeal 'Will it bite me?!', managed to make it behind the freezer without getting whacked. Annnnnnd that was the last we saw of him. For all I know, he's brought the wife and kids in. Not like there's any threat to them in here. Safe haven for rodents, that's what we are. The boy's bedrooms are both downstairs and my big, strong 16 yr old hero was so freaked out that the mouse might end up in his bed that he had his bedroom door firmly closed all night. He still hasn't come out.
Good to know I'm in such good hands. I feel so protected.
The little one is a hunter extraordinaire. She'd take a deer down if given the chance. We should have named her Geraldine, after Flip Wilson's character of many years ago... anyone remember her? My kids think I'm just making her up. LOVED Geraldine! Gracie is SO Geraldine. If she could talk, she'd be throwing 'What you see, is what you get Honey!' all over the place. Serious. Attitude.
Attitude that means anything she catches, she feels a very strong need to bring inside, drop at our feet and then (I swear to god), she'll give a toss of her little head and strut off with her fluffy tail straight up in the air. As if to say 'THERE. Consider my room and board - PAID IN FULL. Beyotch'.
Apparently she doesn't have a calendar, because last night she brought in a big, fat, juicy mouse. Which, until she dropped it downstairs and IT RAN AWAY, I didn't realize was still alive. IT RAN AWAY. IN MY HOUSE. I called my two, over 6' tall teenage boys to come help me get this damn mouse. C - the 14 yr old and youngest - yawned and went back to his computer game. I guess he'd rather slay virtual monsters. Thanks honey - you're the best. M - the 16 yr old, decided he was going to be my hero and 'deal with' the mouse. YAY! He loves me and will protect me. I'm doing something right! The mouse ended up cornered so while M grabbed a fireplace tool (umm??) to slay the dragon, I chased the mouse out of where he was hiding.
Well it all happened so fast. The mouse came scurrying out of the corner, M began alternately smashing at it with the fireplace tool and jumping up and down, squealing like a little girl. I started laughing and couldn't stop. The mouse, with the fireplace tool hitting the floor repeatedly inches behind it while the 6'1" man/child continued to leap into the air and squeal 'Will it bite me?!', managed to make it behind the freezer without getting whacked. Annnnnnd that was the last we saw of him. For all I know, he's brought the wife and kids in. Not like there's any threat to them in here. Safe haven for rodents, that's what we are. The boy's bedrooms are both downstairs and my big, strong 16 yr old hero was so freaked out that the mouse might end up in his bed that he had his bedroom door firmly closed all night. He still hasn't come out.
Good to know I'm in such good hands. I feel so protected.
Avocado Salsa
Okay let's face it... most kids (and by 'kids', I mean anyone under the age of 25) are more into grazing and grabbing a bite, than they are to slaving over a hot stove to create a masterpiece of a 6 course meal. Much like I do every night. For my beloved family. ... riiiiight... So while I will be adding plenty of easy and quick main course recipes, let's just get real and give 'em what they want. This salsa is easy, and just involves some chopping. If you have friends over - hand them each a knife, an ingredient, and put them to work! Learn to involve your friends in the kitchen. It makes for some great social time! So if, when you're much older and the only one in the kitchen slaving away while everyone else is enjoying the fun and frivolity elsewhere, DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU. And one word - POTLUCK. Potluck dinners (where each person brings a prepared dish to contribute to the table) are your friend when just starting out. I'll be posting lots of great potluck-friendly dishes too.
Avocado Salsa:
4 ripe tomatoes, remove inner seeds and chop into small piece
3 ripe avocadoes (they're ripe when you gently push into the stem end and it's a bit soft), chiopped fine
1/4 cup finely chopped purple onion (you can use a yellow or white onion if you prefer)
1/2 cup finely chopped feta cheese
2 cloves garlic, skins removed and finely chopped
handful of chopped cilantro
1 lime - juice squeezed out (you can also use a few squirts of bottled lime juice - keeps avocado from turning brown)
1/2 teaspoon Kosher salt (regular salt is fine. Kosher just has a flakier texture and tends to stick to the food better and distribute more evenly. It also has about 25% less sodium in it than regular salt)
Mix everything in a bowl and serve with tortilla chips. This is also good with an added splash of Balsamic vinegar - tho it will turn the salsa a bit darker. Chopped, pitted black olives is also a nice addition. Some finely chopped cabbage will add a nice crunch. Learn to use your imagination! Cooking is NOT a perfect science. The more you experiment and make recipes your own, the more you'll learn to love cooking!
If there are any leftovers, when covering with plastic wrap, push plastic down to cover the top of salsa like a skin. That helps keep the avocado from discoloring.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
I think..
I think it's my job as my boy's Mom to ensure that they have some basic survival skills when they leave home. Now if only I can get them to listen to all my Yoda-ness, I'll have totally bagged it. Yeah - wishful thinking. But DAMMIT I'm trying!
I think when I left home at 18 I was totally unprepared for life on my own. My Mom thought she was doing me a favor by 'taking care of me' so well. Umm... I lived on Minute Rice mixed with Cheez Whiz for months. And ketchup. Ketchup's a vegetable.. She loved me 'too' much... I miss her. :-(
I think it's entirely possible to raise kids with much (sometimes twisted... okay LOTS of twisted) humor, a respect for others, acceptance of differences, generosity of spirit and kindness of soul. I'm still working on the work ethic, cleanliness of space (that's a polite way of saying their rooms would be condemned if I didn't let my inner Badass out occasionally), and the 'love thy sibling' portions of Raising Children 101.
I think a little old-fashioned chivalry will never die. To open a door, take her coat, walk with a hand on the small of her back... that ROCKS. I don't care what anyone says. Being a gentleman is never out-dated.
I think we've done our kids a disservice by always putting them first. We've managed to create an entire population of young adults who feel the world owes them something. I'm not sure why a generation of women fell into that trap.. Fortunately I preceded the whole trend, never feeling my kids SHOULD be put first all the time. I've had no problem taking 'me' time when I needed it, or denying them something because I just didn't 'feel like it'. It's good to be unpredictable like that.
I think getting older sucks. (just throwing that out there)
I think, despite all my claims to the contrary, I'm going to be an 'ugly cry' mess in 2 yrs when my eldest son graduates from highschool. I also think he's going to be mortified. Oh well..
I think by the time our youngest graduates in 3 yrs, my husband and I will have to contain our excitement. *cue crocodile tears* NOT that we love him any less, but hey - once you've survived the first bird leaving the nest... it's gotta get easier, right?! And we'll have that taste of empty nestness (yes, I make up my own words when I feel like it. You have been warned.) and will be looking forward to it!
I think... I'll write more later.
I think when I left home at 18 I was totally unprepared for life on my own. My Mom thought she was doing me a favor by 'taking care of me' so well. Umm... I lived on Minute Rice mixed with Cheez Whiz for months. And ketchup. Ketchup's a vegetable.. She loved me 'too' much... I miss her. :-(
I think it's entirely possible to raise kids with much (sometimes twisted... okay LOTS of twisted) humor, a respect for others, acceptance of differences, generosity of spirit and kindness of soul. I'm still working on the work ethic, cleanliness of space (that's a polite way of saying their rooms would be condemned if I didn't let my inner Badass out occasionally), and the 'love thy sibling' portions of Raising Children 101.
I think a little old-fashioned chivalry will never die. To open a door, take her coat, walk with a hand on the small of her back... that ROCKS. I don't care what anyone says. Being a gentleman is never out-dated.
I think we've done our kids a disservice by always putting them first. We've managed to create an entire population of young adults who feel the world owes them something. I'm not sure why a generation of women fell into that trap.. Fortunately I preceded the whole trend, never feeling my kids SHOULD be put first all the time. I've had no problem taking 'me' time when I needed it, or denying them something because I just didn't 'feel like it'. It's good to be unpredictable like that.
I think getting older sucks. (just throwing that out there)
I think, despite all my claims to the contrary, I'm going to be an 'ugly cry' mess in 2 yrs when my eldest son graduates from highschool. I also think he's going to be mortified. Oh well..
I think by the time our youngest graduates in 3 yrs, my husband and I will have to contain our excitement. *cue crocodile tears* NOT that we love him any less, but hey - once you've survived the first bird leaving the nest... it's gotta get easier, right?! And we'll have that taste of empty nestness (yes, I make up my own words when I feel like it. You have been warned.) and will be looking forward to it!
I think... I'll write more later.
Chocolate Raspberry Dream Cakes!
Okay, this is a knock-down favorite summer dessert around this house. It's also ridiculously easy to make and definitely a recipe the boys can take with them to impress a date one day! (that would be a date with a nice girl that involves lots of fun, stimulating conversation, respect and after properly meeting her parents and NOT honking the horn of the damn car in the driveway to summon her outside. Just starting with a little advice right off the bat... sorry, it's involuntary. Like breathing and yelling at them to get out of bed.)
Ingredients:
- 1 package miniature sponge cakes (with the 'dip' in the middle of each cake, usually come in a package of 6, which will make 3 cakes)
- fresh raspberries (as many as you need, can substitute strawberries, blueberries etc)
- can of whipped cream
- can of prepared icing (can substitute any flavor you wish)
- chocolate ice cream topping/syrup (again - can substitute flavors)
Place 1 mini sponge cake on each small plate. Spritz some whipped cream into the indent. Top with some raspberries. Spritz a little more whipped cream on top of those. Don't go crazy!
Place 2nd mini sponge cake - upside down - on top. Flat side up to encase the filling in the middle.
Using flat knife, spread around the sides and top of little cakes with the icing.
You can leave them in the fridge at this point if you like. Extra whipped cream should be added just before serving.
Just before serving, spritz some more whipped cream on the top of each cake. Top with a few more raspberries. Drizzle with chocolate syrup. If you want to get fancy, you can spritz little rosettes around the base of each cake. Not necessary, I'm just anal like that.
Disclaimer!
Before I go all crazy-like posting recipes here that may or may not get copied by others, I should make it clear that not all of them are of my own conception. Many are completely taken from other sources. Which I will give credit for when I can. Some are ones I have tweaked to suit our own family tastes. I can only take credit for original composition, with my kids. Those, I'm pretty sure I created the ingredients for. Though I'm pretty sure certain specific ingredients such as 'I have no idea where all those clothes on my floor came from' and 'failure to return the bathmat to the side of the tub after showering' came from their father.
Also? As a sidenote - I follow lots of food bloggers who use pictures to document every. single. step. of preparing a recipe. I will not be doing that here. Mostly because I'm far too lazy. And because I know that if my kids are reading it, I'll have lost them by photo #2. The whole process will seem utterly daunting. So in order to keep things simple around here, I will try to ensure that there's a photo of the finished product. I can handle that.
Also? As a sidenote - I follow lots of food bloggers who use pictures to document every. single. step. of preparing a recipe. I will not be doing that here. Mostly because I'm far too lazy. And because I know that if my kids are reading it, I'll have lost them by photo #2. The whole process will seem utterly daunting. So in order to keep things simple around here, I will try to ensure that there's a photo of the finished product. I can handle that.
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